When we moved into our new space on Baker Street, Scott and Anthony were clearing space in the stock room. Opening a dusty drawer, Anthony was shocked to find a book. Ancient-looking and bound in an ornate - yet weathered- cover, he immediately called Scott to alert him to this strange finding.
Wiping dust from the cover, they were met with the book’s title: The Gospel of The Gait Analysis. And this is what it said:
1 On the day of Wednesday, a traveller was guided into Baker Street. Walls were adorned with fine trainers for the length of the space inside. The warm light beheld the glory of the land of Runlimited. Inside, the traveller was met with offerings of electrolyte beverages to quench one’s thirst, or coffee to infuse a pep into the step of even the weariest of wanderers.
“I am here for a gait analysis, for I must replace my trainers. They have carried me many miles, but hardly can take a further step”. And thus it was spoken and met with welcome from the disciples of running.
“Follow me, for we shall guide your journey towards the light, in search of good fit, strong support and the comfort of the finest materials in the land.” And thus it was that the traveller was seated, receiving teachings from the disciple.
2 On that day, the disciple asked “For which shoe size do you wear?” and the traveller duly answered. “I wear a size 8”. And thus it was that the shoe was presented in the size 8.
Upon trying the shoe, the traveller stood. The disciple felt the toe of the traveller, for it was touching the end of the shoe and spoke “You must wear a larger size”. And thus it was produced, a size 9.
Once again the traveller placed their foot into the shoe. “For this is the correct fitting” said the disciple, measuring the shoe with the width of a finger between the end of the longest of the toes and the shoe’s end.
3 “Thus now you have the correct size, your feet will sing your praises in comfort and forever-more you shall possess unbruised toenails” exalted the disciple.
4 And thus it began, with our traveller standing atop the treadmill. And thus they ran at the encouragement of the disciple. With just 50 earthly steps, the trial was completed.
“Let us look at the data and video”. And thus they did, assessing the suitability of the shoe. “Our guidance from above tells us to watch for the perils of pronation” spoke the disciple. “One must avoid excesses of pronation to prevent discomfort and injury” And so the video was watched, looking for signs of the ankle collapsing inward.
But no signs were witnessed.
And thus they assessed the given numbers, allowing data to guide them. And thus it was that the travellers gait was blessed to be strong. And the disciple and traveller were filled with faith that Neutral trainers are the path for which to seek a companion in running shoes.
5 And so the disciple asked “For what did you feel like in these shoes?” and the traveller answered that “They were comfortable, yet a little soft. With what can we compare the feeling of these?” and so they sought an alternative.
So it was produced by the disciple “and these shall be more firm” and they were to the liking of the traveller. “The comfort of my running lies in these shoes, for they make me not afraid of injury or fatigue. My faith lies here with you in your decisions and guidance”
6 For now it was completed. The traveller was converted to new pastures of running with comfort and faith in support. Thus they went forth and told of their conversion, extolling that those Runlimited disciples' wisdom is to be imparted unto all in the running land, should they be willing to hear it.
And thus the gospel according to Gait is done. The congregation may now come forth to receive the sacred meal of the sweat of a runner transsubstantiated into Cadence, and the blessing of the gait deity in the form of a Strava kudo.
